Delete

I shouldn't c u at that time.
I shouldn't say "hi" to u.
I shouldn't be a friends of urs.
If I didn't c u at that time...

Now, don't hesitate.
I shoulda pressed the delete key
On my key board in my mind.
I shoulda deleted u and all of my memory 'bout u.
Completely,
Definitely,
Thoroughly.

Then, I never c u even in my dreams.
Even if I saw u in the real life,
I don't have to pretend myself anymore.
I can finally live for myself honestly.

If I could do like this really...
Not just a wish...

If it is always like this,
I don't need "feeling".
Coz I have "feeling", I feel happiness, sadness,and
Pain in my heart, huh?

Then, I dare not to have it.
I prefer to scarifies happiness feeling
Rather than to feel pain in my heart.

Whether I feel pain or happiness,
It doesn't matter for u, right?
I know.

Even though I feel strong pain,
the sun rise up in the morning and
down in the night,
Every day.
That is the way of life,
Way of life of human beings.

I am just a woman
struggling in this darkness.

Plan Of My Life

I have to apply for the studying abroad by Feb. 1.
I have little time...

I wanna master Chinese!!!!!（Of course English too.）

This is wat I rly wanna do now. But I already lost 2 years in my past.
First one was the 1 year which I was in a cram skool.
The other one was the hospitalization.
I learned a lot from those 2 years so I dont think I lost sth...
However, Society consider my those 2 years as a "lost year".
I wanna apply the scholarship of Taiwan goverment and study abroad in Taiwan
for 1 year not using the system of AIU but I wanna rest the AIU for one year and study Chinese.

Am I stupid, do u think??
I rly wanna do. My parents said they will support me so I can do wat I rly want.
I rly feel thax to them.
But, if I lost 3 years,,, Can I get a job??
I dont know wat kind of job I wanna do in my future yet.
Is it too late??

I will apply for the AIU ASAP system anyway...
OMG,,,I have a lot lot lot of things that I wanna do now!!!!!!!

I hav no time~~~;-(
Wat should I do?!?!? I feel scared whenever I think 'bout my future.

I need help

Tmr, I gotta go back to Akita.
However, I dont wanna go back there. I rly wanna stay my hometown.
I dont have friends there, no real friends there.
I cant rly trust anybody there.

U know, I dont have to take the winter program definitely.
Can I stay here, then??
I know it would be hard for me to take Algebra in Spring or Fall semester.
Coz, Im very bad at it, so it is very good chance to take it in winter program.

If I took it in winter, I can concentrate on my work.
However, I dont think I can put up with the loneliness for 'bout 1 month and half.

Is it coz Im selfish that I cant trust anybody around me there??
My good friends had gone far far away.
They r not beside me.

Int'l students in AIU r nice to me but it is hard to keep in touch w them
coz there curriculum r very different. I have friends somewhere like Sendai, Tokyo, Yamagata, Hokkaido...but not in Akita!!!

Wat r friends??
Wat is friendship??

Am I thinking too much?? Too serious??
Should I be more optimistic??

But,,,How??
How can I be optimistic under such a situation??
I dont have a person whom I can rely on from deep in my heart.

I need help.
Someone, Please help me.
I dont wanna go back to AIU. I wanna leave there 4ever.

Consideration

Today I’d like to think about a question from a friend of mine.
He is from Britain. His Japanese is almost perfect!!
He is like Japanese!! lol We r rly good friends!!

Well, He is gonna join a Japanese Speech contest in Britain!!! It is rly amazing!!!
Congratulation~~~~!!!! :-D

This is like a case study. Imagine…

"You're working at a hotel on the reception.

One day a customer comes and gives you parcel to send on his/her behalf.
However, the address is written unclearly and you cannot read it.

You worry it might get lost in the post.

What do you do?"

Moreover!!

"If you aren’t working in the hotel, what would u do??
If it was not a customer but a stranger, what would u do??
It is your job so you would talk in polite way but if it was a stranger, what kind of attitude would u take??
Are your behavior and feeling rly same??"

I won't write my answer here coz I wanna know YOUR own answers.

Are there any differences between Chinese people and Japanese people??
What do you think??

Psychological Prediction

This is very interesting!! :p Try to do this everyone<3
I was predicted by this Ojisan lol

Direction: U can move right, left, up, and down.
He will count some numbers so u can move same as the numbers.
U cant move diagonally. X-( Ok??
R u ready?? Let's get started!! :p