Cry Baby

You kept doing your Best toward your dream.

You often made a lot of mistakes and you weren't able to do well everything.

Rain was really really cold and you couldn't say your true feeling to anybody.

I think ....
You were always making fake smile.
You were always nervous.
You were always trying not to cry.

Cry Baby
Today, Don't put up with!! Just Cry!!
Tear will wash away your pain.


You can't do anything as you wanna do in the world.
You wanna be strong but... Success = 0
Always not good. Your heart is not stable...

So, you should stop and cry. Don't care about other people around you. Just cry.
You don't have to pretend that you are strong. You are you.
Don't be afraid to show your weakness.

Look up. The sky is sometimes covered by thick black cloud.
Sometimes sunny but sometimes cats and dogs. Same as us.
Yes, you don't have to shame crying. After a heavy rain, you can see the light in the sky.

You are still learning in your life.

The more you try to climb the wall which you already face to, the more you are just in a hurry.
There, however, is only wing which can't fly with.
Even if somebody made fun of you, if somebody said you are stupid,,,
You should believe yourself !!

Little by little... why don't you sing sometimes?? You don't have to keep having so heavy things by yourself anymore. There are meanings in all of your pain. So, you can cultivate yourself and brush up yourself. It doesn't look short cut way. But it is the best way, just believe so. The more you cry, the more you will be strong.

Cry Baby.
Your way is not stable. But you have been walking on the way since you were born. This is the truth.
You should proud of yourself. Look up. There is a blue beautiful sky. Look around you. There are people who support you. Your tear is beautiful. Please let me know your feeling. Please show your real feeling to me.
Cry Baby.

Meeting To Talk

I talked with Ms Kelly yesterday in her office from 4:30 to 'bout 6:00pm. I talked a lot 'bout me :p

As I wrote previous article, I am down these days, you know :*(

I'm always trying to be more objective to myself and analyze myself. It is actually rly difficult but soooooooooo important!! Now, I know everything in my mind. I know what the problem which I'm rly suffering from is.

The problem is "Myself".

I know the thing I can only change is myself. Then, everything is gonna change lil by lil if I could change my attitude. The more time passes, the more I will get used to this new environment. Someday I will forget this pain of my heart that I'm feeling every day, every moment... I AM sure X-(

But.... Part of me can't accept :'O

NO....!!! Not "Can't"

I think I DON'T WANT to accept. I DON'T WANT to understand. I DON'T WANT to forget.

WHY?? :@ I DONNO!!!!!!

That is the point. That is the problem. I don't know how to manage this feeling, you know. I know everything in my mind, but I don't understand in my heart.

Now, my situation itself is not bad. I have a lot of friends and people who help me soooooooooooo much around me. I have some friends in my class, and they are rly nice to me. I won't give up my aims and dreams, so I still have a big passion :-) I can talk with Int'l students and I can rly enjoy talking with them every day :-D

See??

I am soooooooooooo lucky!! Don't you think so??

AH !! :'(

I want to be a person who can control my feeling....How should I go beyond myself??
How should I move on to the next step??

Am I Weak??

These days I feel not well physically and mentally.

I have had stomachache since 12 in this month. I donno the reason why I have such a stomachache. But I am very down now. So, that is why I feel not good these days.

From 9 to 11, new students had been to EAP orientation camp. I didn't join them. So I had a lot of free time. I felt very lonely when I was at my home alone. So I went to school everyday. I went to AIU and talked with my friends. It was really good time for me. But, you know, all of my friends already had classes. So, they couldn't be with me so long. When there were no people at the Cafeteria, I played the Piano. I have been telling myself that I can't take any classes with my classmates anymore. Yet, whenever I saw my classmates, I forget about it for a moment, and soon I remember. I always try to smile. As I mentioned before, I can't change this situation but I can change myself. I can change my mind and attitude toward my situation. So, I want to smile rather than crying.

But Smiling always is sometimes hard for me.
Sometimes I feel I want to burst into cry.

Student affairs and EAP teachers didn't give me any information about my new classes. In the morning on 12, I work up very early ('bout 6 am) to go to school. I went to the office to ask what I should do. Then, they said the EAP classes would be started from Monday. I can hardly believe it.

"Why you didn't give me any information??"
" Why I came to school today??"

I went to EAP boss teacher's office. He completely forgot about me. There was no my name on the bulletin board which announced students' classes. I was so shocked at that. I wasn't able to put up with such a treatment!! I felt I had strong pain in my stomachache. So, I went back to my home even though I had a club and circle orientation, and Ryochin: one of my classmates' birthday party on that day. As soon as I came back to my home, I cried and cried and cried.

I know I can't go to the BE with my friends.
I know I have to take EAP3 again.
I know I can't change anything except my mind.
I know I have to admire my situation.
I know I should be positive.
I know I should smile.......

I know... I know.... I know everything.

Yet... I can't accept. I can't endure with such a situation any more. I can't...
I want someone to help me. I can't go ahead any more....

Am I weak??

I want to be healthy.
I want to study with my friends.
I want to take Chinese classes.
I want to be ordinary sophomore students like my friends......

I want... I want... I want many things...

Am I greedy??

Whenever I saw my friends, I feel I am jealous them so much. And sometimes I can't
be kind to them.

OH!! NO!! I hate myself!!! How dirty heart I have!!!!!!!!!!!

What did I do??
Did I do anything wrong??

Too Painful.

Why the diseases chose me??
Why I have to give up so many things??
I don't think there are no gods in this world. It is not fair!!!!

I know there are so many people who have more serious problems than me.
I know I am enough happy girl compare to those people.
No Pain, No Life... I know.

I feel painful loneliness everyday. I can't smile anymore. I can't help myself anymore.

Don't leave me alone!!Please!!

Someone,,,please please come...and Help me...

Welcome Party

Yesterday night, we had a welcome party for new students.

It was really nice. I wasn't able to join a lot of games coz I have had a stomachache since 12 in this month... I donno why lol

The reason why I went to the Party is I would love to see my friends' dance.

It was really really gr8 :-D

Well done!! Megumi, Ikumi, Maasa, Kazue, Toru!!!!

I was sooooooo moved ;-) I love their Dance very much.